Lessons learned

Just a warning:  I will have posts that are depressing (sorry) but they're here for several reasons. I need an outlet and maybe when I get brave and open the comments, I’ll receive some encouragement and positive feedback. They also will provide a bit of a look into the process of divorce and what no one ever tells you about it. It’s so very "special". The lawyers and courts keep information on the entire process very much to themselves. I’ve debated as to whether it was because they were so used to it and took it for granted or was it to lay a shroud of secrecy over the process and keep the billing hours running?

Never forget that the courts have a vested monetary interest in every court date, recording of a document and so forth. Little did I know that a court date cost me about $2,000.00 a pop and this didn’t include my lawyer and his staff or any other fees such as the recording of resulting documents. Then, you get to court and only one item is discussed! What’s sad is that you hire a lawyer for advice, but they don’t give you the full picture. I had looked at how-to books on divorce from the beginning and found a lot, but little applied to the specific court, county and judge. They were very general about the state overall and what I’ve found is that each county, court and judge has it’s own personality that is always changing depending on new laws, new and retiring judges, etc.

For example, about 1 year into this, I asked my then lawyer why it took 2-3 months to get a court date. Turns out that the court jurisdiction I’m in is notorious for being the slowest in the entire county. Had I known that from the get-go I would have picked the one with a better reputation and more judges such as LA. I also was told I had to stay within the jurisdiction I lived in. Wrongo! A year ago I found out that you can file for divorce in any of the county’s court systems but it was too late to change because I’d gone too far with it in this court. Apparently there’s some magical date and once passed you’re stuck there.

So, this is what I mean by, sharing (or lack of) unknown information. I do not pretend to be an authority and speak only from my personal experiences.  I do not wish to disparage anyone or anything, I speak only from my own experience and opinions I’ve formed based on  those experiences. So do your own research, which I know is hard because you’ve just landed in the pocket with the eight ball and you have no idea “what” to ask or whom.

As far as creating, I’m hoping this blog will force me to work on interspersing it with things I’m creating. It will force me to start making things so I can share some positive and exciting growth that this whole hideous experience has offered me. 
Author's note:  It's the future and I've taken a leap of faith and opened the blog to the public.