Today is St. Pat's Day and it's always been special to me. My Dad was of 100% Irish descent and intensely proud of it. Both he and my Mom instilled in us a real sense of family history and continuity.
Had plans to spend the day cleaning and so forth. Didn't get that far. Writing in my journal loosened something in my psyche or sub-conscious that had been trying to come free for some time. I spent the afternoon crying for my losses. I hadn't realized how many there had been in the last 3 years.
Today's entry in my journal was titled "Written in Purple" because it was in so many ways. I listened to Peter Gabriel's "The Book of Love" over and over. Not so much for the wedding ring stuff but for the overall feeling of love it conveys. I think that feeling was the final jog my unconscious needed and I cried for over two hours. Actually, still crying off and on. I must have needed to grieve...don't think I took the time since 8/4/06 to really do that. Oh sure, I cried but not consciously acknowledging or understanding the depth of why. While listening to "The Book of Love" I realized that the "person" referred to as "I love it when you" is really me, my creativity and no other person or thing!
Labels: Hopes and Wishes