Meandering Post

Welcome to the land of whining...I am sooooo sick, I could just die. Seriously. Whine, whine, wimper. I really do not make a good sick person. I hate having to give in to it, rest, drink plenty of fluids and so on. Being sick is such a waste of time and frustrating because you just have to let it run its course no matter how annoying it is.

As a result of coughing so much (as in hacking up a lung) I couldn't lay down last night to sleep, so I wound up watching an old black and white movie about WWll. When you rely on rabbit ears (antennae) for TV reception, there's not much to choose from late at night. So I saw "Battle of the Coral Sea" circa 1959. It had so many cliches in it that it was actually watchable! Lol!
I knew I had to write about it the second I saw this:  we're inside a WWll submarine and the air is totally stagnant as you can imagine. So there we have Cliff Robertson, the Commander puffing away on a cigarette! I almost died laughing at how hokey old movies can be. The plot reads as follows:  "A Eurasian girl helps a U. S. submarine commander and two others escape from a Japanese island prison". Story lines don't get much more predictable than that. According to the "Zap2It" guide for TV it starred Cliff Robertson, Gia Scala, Teru Shimada and Paul Wendkos.
Actually it was quite a nice ride down nostalgia lane, grade B acting aside. 1959 doesn't seem that long ago and yet 52 years, five plus decades, half a century have passed in a blink of an eye. The ethics, attitudes and beliefs of that era don't exist any longer; well, maybe they do in some people and places, but it's hard to see these days. In the case of some stereotypical attitudes and beliefs, that's good, but there was a kind of inexplicable, unspoken belief that if you do right, right will overcome. Heck, look at all the shows today about justice/criminology, they're all pure fiction. In reality, nothing like that exists in today's justice system (okay, I could really go off on a tangent right now, but won't).
I think every generation goes through this kind of realization at some point. I recall my dad telling stories of how back in the first Great Depression, bread only cost a dime, but no one had a dime. As you read back through history, be it factual history or historical fiction (which I enjoy), you can see a pattern of each generation looking back in longing to a past that was more peaceful, gracious and safe. Perhaps that's what one should think about when getting somewhat despondent about the current state of the world today where it seems there's always uncertainty, fear and regret. Maybe that's the lesson, not to let what seems overwhelming get to you. Each generation seems worse as you live through it, but it's all proportionate.

Look at all the wars, previously unimagined and unimaginable that those who lived from 1900 to 1950 were witness to. Each was a new and unanticipated threat to life as one knew it. Think of the natural disasters from that occurred too and those prior to that in the 19th century. Yet, somehow each generation survived for the most part. So maybe, in a sense, it's true that nothing is really new, it's just the past in a different suit or costume and now it's our turn to act out this round of the play.

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Oh Joy

Didn't get to my two new herbs today, instead went to a clinic to have my lungs checked and get some antibiotics. Turns out I have bronchitis. Well that explains a whole lot about how I've been feeling.

Other than that, not much exciting although my post on Tuesday kept me thinking about Italy. So I watched Under the Tuscan Sun (again). I never tire of that movie, think it's because of the happy memories it brings me.
From Cooking School in Italy...heaven.
Also wound up looking through the photos I took on that trip in 2002. Digital cameras are wonderful. When I think of how much the cost of developing film and getting prints used to cost, I'm reminded of how one really had to weigh the cost of each picture one took. So a lot of images are only distant memories now. Italy in '02 yielded over 400 pictures and I'm so glad I have them! Such beautiful memories.
Tuscan Countryside

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Herbs And Allergies

Well, I'm still under the weather with major allergy symptoms, and it annoys me to no end! How did people in the days before inhalers ever survive? I guess they didn't. Honestly, if I didn't have the nebulizer and liquid albuterol, I wouldn't be alive. It's so amazing how deadly asthma can be! Just mind-boggling! Aside from that, I continue to wish and hope and pray that the commissioner who has to sign the final divorce papers gets around to checking his "in" basket.

On a lighter note, when I ran out to get some NyQuil, the drug store I went to had plants for sale. Specifically herbs in 4 inch pots for only $1.99 which is a very good price. I had promised myself I wouldn't buy any plants till I had cleaned up all the dead stuff on the patio and put new soil in the pots. Well, I couldn't stand it any more and for that price I gave in purchasing a thyme plant and a sage plant. My plan is to spend about half an hour tomorrow morning (wearing a mask), refurbishing one pot and planting these two little babies. I'm just breaking the whole task down into little steps since the thought of attacking the whole patio just overwhelms me. It is, after all, Memorial Day weekend and plants should have been in the ground and pots by now! 

You know you're getting older when you think you don't need a shopping list...I was so tickled to find herbs that were so inexpensive, that I totally forgot to get NyQuil...duh. I'm blaming this on all the coughing though. It's rattled my brain, yes, that must be it! Lol!
Not the best picture but you get the idea
When I was picking up after Blue on Monday, I noticed a volunteer tomato between the two gardenia bushes in the little spot of dirt called my garden. This is the fourth year in a row that the tomato has made a comeback. Depending on how I feel, I may stop at Home Depot or Lowes and see if I can find a mini, golden, pear shaped tomato plant. I'll be planting it in a pot, not the "garden" since I know the green tomato horned worms have hibernated in the ground just waiting for a tomato plant to devour in the coming summer.



No Third Post

Well, my rabid allergies struck again at about 4:30 in the afternoon yesterday. I thought I'd get a decent dinner but due to raging nose-blowing was reduced to cheese and crackers for din-din. So pathetic. I'm still up hoping to calm it all down with the nebulizer and allergy meds.  Isn't life just a bucket of cherries with me?

I can't believe how unpredictable the allergic reactions have become! I hoped to have a lovely photo and recipe to share but it doesn't look like that's going to happen. Sorry. Didn't even go out to run errands since it was so bad. Where the heck did this come from?????



Tuscan Lemon Pasta

Ah, another cool grey day in LA, I love it! Yes I'm up ridiculously early thanks to my raging allergies and never-ending nose blowing. So I'm publishing a second post for the day. Blue must have gotten fed up with having to hold his head up so high to keep Mr. Raccoon from dragging on the floor when carrying him around, because this morning I found about 4 inches of his tail amputated! (The raccoon's, not Mr. Blue's!) So I'll be doing a little sewing later today to close up what's left of the tail.

Today will be an errand day. Funny, I used to love going shopping, but when money's tight it somehow takes all the pleasure out of it. Step in the store and you know it's going to be an impulse/resistance challenge. "No, you don't 'need' that" and so on. My shopping lists start out just the way they used to, but then get whittled down by half based on true needs.
Cortona, Italy
Since I just visited Corey Amaro's blog, Tongue in Cheek, and found her recipe for Lemon and Walnut pasta, I may be making that tonight with a little chicken tossed in. She's currently in Italy with three of her cousins from the US. They're in the Cinque Terre area of Italy. I'm so envious, I loved that region of Italy! Oh heck, I loved all of Tuscany. And yes, "Under the Tuscan Sun" is one of my favorite movies! No it's not a cinematic masterpiece, but it's so amazing and remarkable to watch knowing I walked the streets seen in the film!
Cortona, Italy
But back to the Lemon Pasta...I recently traded a huge bag of avocados for an equally big bag of Meyer Lemons. My friend has so many that she can't find enough people to give them away to. Sort of like me and the avocado tree, so it was a very good trade. Since I still have some lemons in the fridge fruit bin, I'll be using those in the dish. Unlike the average lemons found in the grocery, which are usually Eureka's, Meyer lemons have a thin skin, are super juicy and have a touch of sweetness. The are the quintessential "old-fashioned lemonade" lemon. Their flavor is unmatched and once established, they are ridiculously prolific.

Depending on how my life goes once the divorce is final, if ever, I may "reward" myself with a dwarf Meyer lemon to grow in one of the big pots on the patio. It would be such a wonderful treat! Plus, it would be sort of symbolic of a new life. Reminds me of the old saying, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Or in tonight's case, Lemon Pasta!

Just had a second thought. This is what happens when I get up so early, my mind wanders everywhere with no particular focus! I recently found a food blog I really like, A Feast for the Eyes by Debby. She had a delicious looking recipe for Asparagus, Pea and Saffron Risotto (with or without Shrimp) which is also very tempting. She found the recipe at The Quinces and the Pea blog but added a few twists of her own. I haven't made risotto in eons. I still remember the first night of a trip to Italy, we got into Lake Como late. Fortunately there was still a restaurant open. I ordered risotto with truffle oil and oh my heavens, I was hooked!

In the past, I've just picked up a bag of risotto rice (Arborio I think) at Trader Joe's, but Debby uses De Cecco's Carnaroli which, if I can find it, will decide tonight's dinner choice. Actually, the price of asparagus will also be a deciding factor, considering I have lemons and spaghetti on hand for the Lemon Pasta. Whatever I make, I may even publish a third post today if I can get a decent photo.

P.S. In the time it took me to write this, I have used half a box of facial tissues just from blowing my nose. Unbelievable! So guess what just got added to the grocery list.

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The Slowest in LA

Any CENTURY now. Literally! That's my opinion of the Pomona court system which is known as the SLOWEST in the entire county of LA. Signed papers on 4/29/11 and they NEEDED MORE paperwork filled out. I am soooooooooooo fed up with the legal system in this country that I could scream. The U.S. has changed so dramatically from the U.S. I grew up in, that it is utterly pathetic. I'm sooooooooo disappointed in all the CEO's/CFO's and so on that I could just scream when I hear that after taking fortunes away from the baby boomers' retirement funds, they can be so richly rewarded. A$$holes. Need I say more?

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Raccoon Update

In my bedroom is a brass bed that's over 105 years old. The box spring is actually part of the brass bed and so it's higher than most of today's beds. Last night as I went to bed, I expected Blue to curl up on the floor next to me as usual or nestle in his bed which is at the foot of mine. He suddenly shot under the bed (he doesn't even have to duck) taking Mr. Raccoon with him. It's like he now has a little den for the two of them. All that you could see was his little furry tail. This morning, Mr. Raccoon is nowhere to be found, so I guess he's still catching some "zzz's" in the bed cave. Blue is just so disgustingly cute! Worth every penny for the laughter and joy he provides.

Oh, and the raccoon toy cost me all of $1.75 plus tax...talk about a bargain! Bye for now, have a lovely day.

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Mr. Raccoon

This weekend I ran out to get some food and since I had a coupon for 30% off at a local pharmacy/mini-mart, that's where I went. So as I looked for anything that I really needed, I walked by a display of unstuffed animal toys. I'd been eyeing these for several months now but would not plunk down $9.99 for one. Not that Blue's not worth it, I just wasn't that flush. So when I walked by the display, low and behold, they were on sale for $2.50! Joy of joys. Plus I had a coupon! So Mr. B has a new toy. It's an unstuffed raccoon that's 22 inches long, furry and limp (no stuffing). There's a squeaker in the head and tail.
Look at that worried, uber-protective little face!
I wasn't sure Blue would like it since when he hears squeaky noises on TV he goes crazy barking at them. Well, he LOVES it and carries it everywhere with him! It's hysterically funny! Especially since he's so short, he has to hold it up off the floor or twirl and bundle it for easier transport. He even sleeps with his head on it, like it's a puppy or his little friend. He seems so happy with it! And so, I'm very happy!

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The Best Meatloaf Ever

Back in the mid’80’s when UCLA had a great curriculum of extension courses in cooking, a friend took several of them over the years. This recipe is from a little old lady (her words, not mine) that she said reminded her of Julia Child. This recipe looks like a lot of work, but it's so worth it. The cepes and ham really add a great deal of flavor so don't leave them out. And puhleeeze don't use plain old white mushrooms. Cepes have such a wonderful depth of taste that white buttons can't ever hope to aspire to.

Pate de Boeuf a la Ma Cousine
1 1/2 oz. dried cepes (also called porcini)
1 c. warm water
3 T. hot milk 
2 slices white bread trimmed and cubed
1 1/2 lb. very lean ground beef
2 egg yolks, whisked
1 1/2 t. salt
1/2 t. freshly ground pepper
1/2 c. grated Parmesan cheese
1/4 c. finely chopped ham
1 T. vegetable oil
1 T. butter
2 garlic cloves, minced
2 large shallots, minced fine
3 T. tomato paste
1/2 c. Madeira wine

1. Soak cepes (pronounced “sapes” with a hard "a") in warm water for half an hour.  Drain, saving liquid.  Pour liquid into a sieve lined with double thickness of paper toweling, set aside.  Chop mushrooms, set aside.

2. My version:  If you're impatient, like me at times, I don't bother with most of #2. No hot milk, no cubed bread, I just toss it all together and mix with my hands. I use 1/2-3/4 c. bread crumbs and cold milk. I substitute finely chopped onion for scallions and use the whole egg vs. just yolks.

The actual recipe:  Mash bread cubes in milk until they have absorbed it all .  Place beef in a large bowl and fork bread through it until mixture is well homogenized. Place the oil and butter in a skillet to heat.  Add garlic, shallots and half the chopped cepes.  Cook until shallots are soft, cool and add to the meat mixture, along with egg yolks , salt, pepper, Parmesan and ham.  Using your hands, blend the mixture lightly but thoroughly. 

3. Lightly oil a four to five cup rectangular terrine , preferably with a lid (I use a bread/loaf pan and aluminum foil to cover).  Pat the meat out to a roll the same length as the terrine, forming it firmly to eliminate any holes.  Place meat roll in terrine, tucking it in snugly.

4. Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

5. In a sauce pan, add tomato paste (I use the kind in the tube which I keep in the fridge) to mushroom liquid, along with remaining mushrooms, and wine. Heat to almost boiling, reduce by a third and pour over the pate, cover and bake half an hour. (I often will make a second batch to use when I reheat leftovers.)

6. Remove cover (foil), reduce heat to 350 degrees and bake half and hour longer.  Let rest in pan about 15 minutes. Insert a clean knife to test for done-ness. It should come out clean.

7. The pate may be served hot, at room temperature or chilled and it's delicious warmed up. 

On occasion I still make the old-fashioned kind of meat loaf from my 1968 Betty Crocker cookbook with Quaker oats, which is great for sandwiches the next day (just add catsup) but as a dinner, the sauce and ingredients in the Pate Boeuf just put this version over the top. Enjoy!

As I was writing this, I had to look something up and you know how that goes. On the web, one thing leads to another and suddenly it's an hour later! I found what looks like a really yummy meatloaf recipe over on A Feast for the Eyes. Debby's also found another innovative way to cook the loaf without the loaf pan plus the glaze that goes over it makes it a definite  candidate for the next time I make meatloaf. (Not too much of a run-on sentence there huh?) If the weather holds and doesn't get hot, that'll be sooner than later.

I have to get all my stove/oven/indoor/comfort food cooking done before summer hits. Summer in So Cal is when most sane people opt for grilling rather than heating the house up with one's oven and sending the AC's electric bill through the roof. Anyhow, check out her blog, there are some amazing and delicious recipes there with great photos! 

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Yet Another "Second Post"

Well that didn't last long...May Gray that is. Yesterday was blindingly sunny and in the high 80's (27's C) much to my dismay. Today looks like it's going to be pretty much the same. Checked the weather forecast though and it's supposed to cool back down. Whew! We don't need summer to start in mid-May.

Let's see, what's going on today other than the world ending? Well, I'm trying two recipes, one from the Lick the Bowl Good blog and the other from About.com Southern recipes (since I can never be satisfied with just one recipe the way it is). Though I do recall this penchant getting me in some trouble in the past, as in "the end result" wasn't all that great. But all I'm doing is adding a little catsup from the second set of ingredients to the first.

Excuse me a moment while I laugh hysterically (but quietly). While sitting here typing this, my little Corgi is sleeping under my chair and suddenly snoring quite loudly! I'd take a photo but the camera's in the kitchen, dang! It's really surprising how loudly he's snoring! Ok, the photo isn't from today, but isn't the little bun just adorable?

Back to what I was doing. In my hunt for a recipe, I found a lot of them with "condensed cream of..." soups. While convenient, somehow, I'm just not in the mood for adding those. Just seems to me that stroganoff has to have sour cream, not soup. Now I do have a hamburger stroganoff recipe from way back, like the 70's, but darned if I can find it. So on with the experiment. I sometimes wonder why I keep on cooking since there's only me. It has to be connected to the whole being part of a couple thing for so many years and before that, growing up with a mom who made three meals a day forever.

I'm sure there are fans out there of Hamburger Helper, but after my last visit to that land (having been away for decades) you'll recall that it didn't turn out so well. In fact, it was ghastly. Well, I'd best get going or dinner will once again be at 9 p.m.!

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The End of the World?

So today is supposed to be the end of the world as we know it. Hopefully not. I need to have electricity to make the nebulizer work and be able to breathe. Peace and blessings to all.



Just Silly

If you recall a few posts ago, I was going on about politics, beauty and breathing. Well, I finally braved the outdoors and went to pick up the 5 boxes of liquid albuterol. Each box contains 25 vials. One vial works for 4 to 8 hours depending on how severe the lung infection or allergy. That's 125 vials of "the ability to breathe". When I saw the price I almost fainted. After facing almost $40 for one inhaler with possibly 150-200 puffs in it (2 inhalations are usually needed each time), here I was looking at a wealth of "air" for the mind-blowing price of...are you ready??? $3.82 (.70 Euros)!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How does that even make sense?

Now I realize that, an inhaler is portable and a nebulizer, not so much. But if you're dealing with a bronchial infection or pneumonia, you aren't going to be up and around much. So for the moment this is like winning the lottery for me!

It's all a matter of perspective. Lol! Life can be so totally silly at times.

On a totally different topic, while not pretty, our May Gray days continue, which is wonderful. It keeps temperatures in the 60's & 70's (15.5-21 C). The avocado tree in the backyard still has loads of fruit which is about 2 months past the usual harvest time. Everything is just slow to get going this year because of the weather. Of course, as I said, that's just fine with me! There'll be plenty of sunny days coming with broiling temperatures all too soon.



Travel Post

Italy 2002
I found a beautiful post today at one of my favorite blogs, White on Rice Couple. They're professional photographers and filmmakers in LA and the work they do is beautiful. They're going on a vacation soon, not for professional purposes, but for themselves. I so envy them, I haven't been on a vacation in over 6 years, of course, being unemployed of late, doesn't help that. But that's life. They'll be going to Vietnam which is Diane's familial home and I'm hoping they'll post pictures of their journey.
Very special pigs, Greve in Chianti
If any of you follow the blog, Tongue in Cheek by Corey Amaro, we were all lucky enough to travel along with her and her husband Yann through parts of Asia and China. Their daughter was there on a college study program. The photos she shared were wonderful. A true glimpse into the China we (or I) never see. For someone who misses travel immensely and a good companion to enjoy it with, sharing her journey was a joy. It started Feb. 27 and lasted about two months. Her daughter also had a blog of her time there and has some gorgeous photos of day trips taken between studies.
Room with a View
Thinking about vacation made me wonder how much I would enjoy it now. With all the insane (but understandable) security requirements, airline fees and traveling alone, I don't know if I would enjoy it so much. Half the fun of travel (IMHO) is to share it with someone who loves to travel and enjoy other cultures and cuisines as much as you. Note:  the photos are from a trip to Tuscany in 2002.

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Thoughts and Coleslaw Post

Looking back, I noticed the number of "views" of my blog has been shrinking. I know my posting has been a tad on the negative side lately. While I'm sorry for that, I have to remind myself that this blog is really for me. It's a place to record what goes on in the life I'm currently navigating alone. Sometimes I just don't feel really all that positive. Yet in the long run, I want to look back and see where I was and how far, if at all, I've come. Without this type of reference, I really can't hope to get anywhere mentally or physically.

So, I've decided for every less than glowing post, I'll try to add a positive one. Sort of a version of a gratitude journal. If one never stops and thinks of what they're grateful for, all one will eventually be surrounded with is "what went wrongs". So to that end, I'm going to throw in a few of my favorite recipes, maybe add some new photos and try to get my act together by going through some of the treasures sitting dormant in the recesses of this rental.

It's amazing how many things I've "just had to have" over the years and now that my life has taken the turn it has, I look at them, still loving them because they are so wonderful, but wondering is this or that still of use to me? Most often the answer is no. If I had a bigger living space, money and so on, the story might be different, but I'm "here" now and I don't see that changing any time soon.

Getting back to trying to feel grateful, I want to share a recipe with you that I just love. It's easy, reasonably inexpensive for the amount of food you get and perfect for upcoming barbecues. It was developed by a person I used to know, derived from two different recipes (I've tried to find these recipes over the years but to no avail). The first was the Original Pantry Restaurant Coleslaw (from a well known and loved eatery in LA) and the second was one from Carolina in an old issue of Bon Appetit (circa 1980's-'90's). What makes it so delicious is the barbeque sauce, something not usually found in most coleslaws.

1 large head of cabbage, finely shredded
3/4 c. mayonnaise
3 T. sugar (may be adjusted to taste)
6 T. cider vinegar
6 T. bottled barbeque sauce (Masterpiece, KC, etc.)
1/3 c. oil (olive, corn or canola)
1/4 t. garlic powder
1/4 t. onion powder
1/4 t. dry mustard 
1/4 t. celery salt
Dash of black pepper
1 t. lemon juice (fresh if possible)
1/2 c. half and half

Blend together all ingredients in bowl and pour over shredded cabbage. Chill for at least one hour. Serve.

I've found this can serve 8-10 people as a side dish as long as no one wants "seconds" which is rare. For a little color, add carrot shavings. Other thoughts:  if the head of cabbage I have is less than 6" in diameter, I cut back a little on the sugar, cider vinegar and barbeque sauce. I'll let it sit, covered in the fridge and then taste for flavor after an hour, altering accordingly.

I've found when I make this, it's hard to resist making a meal of it with a little chicken on the side. Enjoy!

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Tick, Tick, Tick Post

Ticking clock. Waiting. Wondering. These are just a few things flying through my mind lately. You see, our divorce papers were signed on April 29, then filed with the court on May 6. I thought things were moving along. Well, not so fast. Midweek I received more papers that we had to sign and fax in. Sigh. Will it EVER end I wonder? Our court system is so convoluted that it's laughable.

I think I should write an e-book on the mysteries of divorce court in Los Angeles County. There is so much info that would have helped if I'd known it from the beginning. It's information not found anywhere unless you literally "trip" over it as you make your way through the system while essentially blindfolded. Oh, and don't count on your lawyer to clue you in; the less you know about what's going on, the more $$$ in his/her pocket.

So, after four years and 10 months, I wonder what I'll feel when I receive the final papers? This has occupied so much of my waking and sleeping hours, it has sucked the life out of me to the point that I seem to just exist. I don't feel any passion in my life and I don't mean the romantic kind. Rather, something that makes you want to wake up in the morning and work on it because you enjoy it. I wonder if I will have "withdrawal" symptoms? Will the depression lessen or increase?

If I had not initiated contact via email, with the respondent to end this, I am fully confident that it easily could have gone on and on. But at what cost? That was the deciding factor in choosing to end it. I had to or I felt I'd die. I don't mean physically but mentally and emotionally in my heart and soul. The toll had grown too great.

The final outcome isn't just or fair. The respondent is a person who no longer has any ethics; he's certainly not the man I married 30+ years ago. He can lie to my face without blinking or blushing. I guess the popular word to describe him would be narcissistic. But then, I like to think that what goes around, comes around and karma can be a *itch. I will just keep my distance and play my cards close to the vest as the saying goes. It's moments like this when I think of Oscar Wilde's comment and laugh, "Always forgive your enemies...nothing annoys them so much."

The simplest way to describe how I feel about him, is to ask myself the following:  if I just met him, would I be friends with him and the answer is no. Now, the proverbial "they" say "never say never" so I won't, but at this moment in time I want to recover me and see where my life leads. I've always found that things work out for the best. I'll end this with a few quotes:

"When pain happens to you,
it really happens for you."
Gilda Carle Ph.D.

"As soon as you trust yourself,
you will know how to live."

"Contentment is the only real wealth."
Alfred Nobel



Breathless Post

Just realized I haven't posted since Sunday. Probably because I'm in an allergic haze. The pecan tree outside  my bedroom is blooming, well, I'm not sure blooming is the right word. It gets these three and four inch long strands of tassels covered with lime green flower like things that shed a ton of chartreuse colored pollen. It covers everything. In fact, I've been hiding out in the house.

Problem is that when Blue has to go out, his coat gets a dusting (the tree is relentless) of pollen. He comes into the house and suddenly I'm having a sneezing, runny nose, wheezing, itchy eyes and ears attack. So now, he's greeted with two wet paper towels and wiped down which seems to help. I hate to waste paper towels, seems environmentally unfriendly but the trade off is using half a box of facial tissues from sneezing and blowing my nose. I buy 6 to 8 boxes of tissue every few days.

This all has a point actually, and that is to ask why on earth asthma inhalers were banned because the propellant hurt the ozone, yet hairspray with propellant is still available. I guess the message being sent by our legislators is that making hair stay in place is more important than the ability to breathe. I think before that was done, everyone who got to vote on it should have been treated to a taste of what not getting enough air feels like! It just boggles the mind!

Oh, one can get a new version type of inhaler that's environmentally friendly, but since these babies are "new" they fall into the brand name not generic category of drugs which my insurance doesn't cover. So I have to pay about $40 to breathe. Isn't that just special? Makes tons of sense doesn't it? I've chosen the only affordable alternative which is to use generic albuteral liquid with a nebulizer. This is so ridiculous. I get over a month's supply for $10! The down side is that I can't be away from the house and machine if I want to breathe during this allergy period. Let's just return to the 1950's because of misguided environmental governance.

The whole debacle kind of reminds me of viagra and how that was rushed into existence while breast and prostrate cancer still have no cure. Just another of life's little mysteries in this male dominated society. I'll get off my soapbox now. I've been wanting to address this raging stupidity for several years now. Thanks for listening.



"File under..." Post

File this under "things you take for granted till they're gone". Like your mother. For the last few difficult weeks, I've thought of her more than usual, wishing beyond all reason that I could talk with her. She died over a decade ago and I still miss her. There was something about talking to her, knowing she was at the other end of the phone line that gave me a comfort I never realized before. Like I said, you don't know what you've got, till it's gone.

Somehow, when things were less than perfect, she knew just what to say to calm your ruffled or tear-smudged feathers and when you were happy about something, it made her happy. The thing about my mom, is that she never complained. Well, she might grumble about this or that little thing, but never really complained (not the way I can at least...lol) about life. She was a very gentle soul that way. The kind of soul that believed in people to a fault.

I still remember one Sunday when we were driving down to visit my Auntie M, I was probably 19 or 20. My dad was driving and it had just rained. One of those Midwestern storms that blows through and leaves big fluffy clouds and sunshine in its wake. The four of us were in the car, all silent, lost in our thoughts and suddenly my mom bursts out excitedly "Rainbow! Rainbow!" She had the biggest smile and was actually bouncing in her seat and pointing. My dad nearly had a heart attack and told her so! It was the funniest thing, well, not at the time because he was really ticked! He didn't see the humor in it but it sort of illustrates the childlike heart my mom had. To see a rainbow was joyous and magical and happiness at it's best.

I miss you mom.
Love & Kisses,

P.S. Funny, today's kind of like that day. A shower blew through early this morning and we now have a cloud dappled, sunny day!

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Unexpected Post

As always, I try not to talk religion or politics on this blog since I believe "to each their own". But it's interesting how the universe/god can tell when you're losing it. I know I've been rather negative in the last few posts and I apologize for it. Today, I unexpectedly received a pep talk/praying over from a friend via the phone. Since that talk, I have felt so much better. Seems I've found that I am able to separate with a  number of things, vintage and antique. Suddenly they're not so "dear" and I can let go.

I think knowing the final divorce papers were filed with the court today, has also hit me...it's almost over, finally. I can lift a load off and get on with my life. This divorce has reduced me to a totally frozen state where I'm incapable of anything other than breaking out in psoriasis and itching like a crazy woman.

I've decided to start photographing the the items I can part with and put them up for sale on this blog since I'm still working on an Etsy site.  It's going to be quite an array of things, from crafting supplies to vintage and antique pieces. As soon as I figure out how to add a Paypal button to the blog, I'll begin. I've also started to do some jewelry work again, so that will be showing up as well. I'm hoping to make a little money so that I can continue to have a roof over my head and not end up living in my car.

I want to thank everyone who takes a bit of their time to read this little blog. Again, sorry for being such a negative grump lately. May the bluebird of happiness land on your shoulder and whisper joy to you.

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Growing up in the Midwest in the 60's, I never had to worry that people would forget my birthday. But now that I've lived in Los Angeles for 30+ years, it has to compete with the holiday the day before, Cinco de Mayo. CdM is fine, it's just the next day has become just the day after the parties and celebrating. Of course it could be worse, I could have been born on the holiday. But I probably could have skewed that into really being a party for me. Kind of gives me a taste (though in a much smaller way) of what those born around Christmas feel like. Birthdays that are really lost and overshadowed by Dec. 25.

Oh, and then there's the dates my parents died...29 days apart. I hate this time of year. Really.

So this year, it's not just a double whammy since Mother's Day is May 8. Usually it falls about a week from my day. But it's a quadruple whammy because not only am I book-ended in by two fairly notable events but further by the two other events. But then that kind of fits how I've been feeling lately. In an attempt to look on the bright side of things, maybe I'll just skip my birthday this year. It'd save me a year in aging. So when I'm asked how old I am, I can legitimately put 1 year less chronologically. If anyone questions it, my answer will be simple, I just skipped it, period, end of story. That may be just the ticket.

Hope you're trying to find a smidgeon of good in an otherwise poopie life. Really!

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Whine, Whine, Whine

The next time I whine about the weather being cold and dreary, I give you permission to slap me. Seriously. What I wouldn't give to get some of that back! Summer has decided to rear its ugly, sweaty, hot head very early this year. Today it was at least 95F (35C) and it's supposed to get hotter tomorrow and the next day! UGH! The beginning of May is way too early for this. I'm hoping that the usual "June Gloom" is just around the corner. In the past 8 or so years we've had it in May also. Without it, this is going to be one very long summer.

Of course this is all sort of unimportant, while I'm facing the possibility of living in my car. It really depends on how long it takes the commissioner (appointed/aka:  fake / judge) to sign the final divorce documents. 

I can't type anymore due to a weird growth balooning just under my right fingernail......I SOOOOOOO hate life.

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