Ramblings and nothing important

Maybe I’m missing something here, but why on earth would anyone spend a penny on a house they’re renting? That is, if they can’t take it with them, especially if you’ve acknowledged your goal is to own your own home some day soon?  That’s what someone on one of my favorite blogs is contemplating.  Now I realize I’m an extreme, not having hung a picture much less a calendar on the walls in 3 years.  I buy the magnetic calendar that goes on the fridge and that I can take with me leaving no mark.  But then I never thought that I’d be here for more than one maybe one and a half years; the divorce would be final and I’d move on. I’d still have enough to move somewhere and buy a tiny house.  Having re-habbed 6 houses (some down to one wall left standing), a little room add-on or two would be nothing.

Not so fast.  Fang-face had other plans which involved prolonging this divorce till he makes me a bag lady or something like that.  Forget about California being a no-fault state.  Frankly, it makes it worse because the other party can drag it out for years if they have enough money.  Did I mention this is a man in a specialized industry that can pull down 6 figures a year without blinking, but he’s “unemployed”.  Sorry, I digress.

Back to the subject at hand:  I still refuse to spend one penny on this house.  At this point I think it may be a combo of spite and stubborn-ness not to mention that I’ll get zero return on my penny.  Yes I can hear the Pollyanna’s quacking about forgiveness and such and I work on that and do fairly well. However, after spending over 9 hours Sunday (this is on top of 2 weeks of pulling out and finding all the documents involved and needed for yet another “Demand for Documents”) going through and organizing 3+ years of divorce c@#p…reliving it minute by minute, one is not imbued with goodness and kindness.  It does even less for one’s mood and health.

Speaking of health and too much information:  “Spastic colon, my long lost companion…how long has it been?” 20 years I believe, since I was able to finally banish you from my life and now in just 3 years of divorce onslaught you have returned to grace me with hard agonizing fistfuls of knots in my intestines that would cripple the toughest of men. So when I read a blog that I really enjoy by a single woman I admire and the woman is speaking of wallpapering the closets of her new rental with vintage paper, I go a little batty. Sorry. I will mention her blog another day when I’m in a far more gracious mood and can introduce you to it in a more positive light, it’s not her fault I’m where I am today.



The path...

The quandary I’m finding is that so many negative things have happened to me in the last five years, that when I read over the test entries for the blog, it was rather depressing reading. I wanted this blog to help people who are going through a drawn out divorce. I hoped they could learn from my mistakes and experiences. However, the more primary purpose is to give my creativity an outlet and some exposure. Basically, a reason to start creating again. 

My job search has been unsuccessful to say the least. I’m either overqualified in management or under qualified in basic office computer skills. In hindsight I have to say that the minute you’re able to after the date of separation, review your skills and recreate your resume or at least list the skills and experiences you’ve had in the past. You can skew almost anything to show that you have skills to offer. Please note here that I'm not suggesting you lie or fabricate things but rather really analyze exactly all the things you did in your previous jobs and I think you'll be surprised that there's more there than meets the eye.

Second, look into taking at least one class, doesn’t matter where, that will increase your skill set. As I’ve found out, had I known this divorce would go into year 3+, I could have had a 2 year degree in computer graphics (on top of my BS) and been up to speed in what was my past career, advertising. This information doesn't help me but perhaps you'll glean something from it.

Third, start finding someplace you can participate. This has been suggested to me over the last few years and it's not easy. If you're like me, you have to force yourself out the door. And if you're like me, you'll find the most implausible excuses to be valid reasons to stay home. Don't. At least try not to...I am. I joined a craft group that meets once a week and the more I attend, the better I feel. 

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I need a new name for...

A short abbreviation for “someday-to-be-ex-husband” is definitely needed so that when I refer to him, you will know to whom I am referring. Preferably something that is shorter to type.  Something like “dh” which is used for “dear husband” only that would not do here and even if I were use it to mean dumb husband, new readers might not pick that up on that nuance and be terribly confused.  Ferret-face works as a name for him but I hate to denigrate such a cute little creature, not to mention that it's too much to type.  Although if I take the beady eyes and fangy rattish face then superimpose them on doltoid’s face, it comes up as a rather ugly countenance which is what I’m going for.  Maybe on some future date I’ll have a poll or contest such as “Name That Scum-Sucking Dirt Bag Using Only 2 Letters”. 

And again, yes, I know, forgiveness it the key to moving on.  But if someone has made it his life mission to drag something out till you bleed through the brain, it’s a little futile. Funny, the Borg words from Star Trek popped into my head, “resistance is futile”. Be sure to pronounce the “i” as a long i. Few-tile.

Final word, I really don’t hate him, it takes too much energy, I actually feel sorry for him.  He’ll always be looking for something.  That something can only be found in oneself as I’m currently discovering in a very vivid sense.

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