Head in the Sand...

I posted yesterday's quote in hopes of inspiring myself to get through the next week and the court date.  The constant waiting for this to end strains one's nerves to the maximum and tests one's sanity.  Waiting to start my life.  Doltoid got almost 2 years of "safe" practice in getting started with his potential new life.  Then, when he felt comfortable, he could dump his safety net, our marriage.  On the other hand I had/have no such choice.  He has had the upper hand in this, the whole time.  It gets hard to believe I will ever get to start a new life.  He's essentially had almost 6 years of a safe new life, while I wait, hands tied.

I keep trying not to think about it but with these land mines called court dates that may or may not actually occur (note, the last 5 did not)!  Their constant presence on the horizon of my life makes me feel like I'm under "life arrest" as it were.  Pre-planned time bombs...and you never know the results.  How can one expect to live proactively when there is the constant potential for reactivity to unexpected events.  I know life is like that, this is just to focused and needs to be defused.  Thanks for letting me blow off some steam!

On another note, after Frost died, I think I kind of died in a way too.  My potted plants didn't get watered...I no longer had any reason to look out the back door much less go out into the yard and water plants.  Most died.  All my herbs croaked.  So I purchased a few basic ones to plant in hopes of them getting a fair start before it gets too cool for any growth.  Having to buy fresh herbs in those little plastic containers at $2-3 a pop is very annoying when you know how easy it is to grow them!  

I have Blue, my new dog to thank for getting me back out in the yard.  Whatever happens, I'm very glad I got him, he rescued me!