Wonderment Post

I finally fell asleep somewhere around 3 this morning. Not a satisfying sleep and I woke up with painful joints. Not a usual occurrence, must be the weather. Since sleep left me at about 7 a.m., I decided to get up. Looked through recipes to find something to make for dinner.

Started feeling kind of sickish after a bit, so I decided to lay down. Big mistake. Remember when I wrote about how I get very nasty dreams if I fall asleep before four or five in the afternoon? It was 12:30. I fell into a deep R.E.M. sleep. In retrospect, really big mistake.

I'm still "controlled" by doltoid in my nightmares. I'm actually still trapped going places with him, where he then abandons me while he goes off with either friends or other women. I'm left on my own with no money, usually with no transportation either.

In this one...well, I was going to recount it, but thought better of it, since it would just re-hash the negativity. Instead I'll tell you about what happened just after I forced myself awake. A moment of grace visited to soothe my wounded soul.

You see, in the last month or so, I've heard the loveliest soft chirping outside my bedroom window every few days. It sounds so close, almost like a little bird was perched on the window air conditioner. I heard it again and lifted a slat on the mini blinds to find the sweetest little bird.

It was a beautiful, tiny thing, clothed in charcoal grey feathers with a yellow patch on it's throat. So precious, it graced me by spending a few seconds. Would have liked to grab my camera to capture the moment, but knew this wasn't going to last. I stayed in the moment. We looked eye to eye and it made all the difference. A gift of grace was given to me and I stayed there frozen in wonderment.

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