Pity Party Post

It's strange and interesting, this not-having-a-TV-thing. Even though I now could buy one, I haven't which seems rather odd, at least to me. And I can't quite figure out my feelings about this. Soon I'm going to run out of things I like to watch on Hulu and then what will I do? I mean, I've watched all the episodes available of Doc Martin, Hot in Cleveland, Firefly and I'm almost done with all of Stargate SG1. Out of about 200+ episodes there's only 30 or so left to see. What I find funny is that I've already seen most of the episodes when they were first aired. I could re-watch almost anything I think.

I have several books that I could read, but I'm just not in the mood. Could be because I need to get my eyes checked and get glasses for the heavy astigmatism I have. Drug store "readers" only help so much.

Funny how technology dates a show even more so than fashions. I watched an episode of SG1 last night and there it was, a blue floppy disc. It seemed so old-fashioned to see. Anyways, as I was saying, I'm going to run out of things to watch.

Plus, I'm getting sick of spending the evening in my office chair watching on my little MacBook monitor. It's not really as relaxing as sitting in the easy chair in the living room. It seems something is wrong with me, like I'm drained of any and all desires, wants, wishes...hope. I just feel empty, as in just existing with no purpose. I wonder if this long, dragged out divorce actually damaged my spirit. It was kind of like being in a jail, unable to make any decisions or choices about life till we got it over with. So now it's over with and here I am. Blank.

Kind of reminds me of a piece of history I've always been amazed at and that was Lincoln freeing the slaves. Here was a whole group of people who had their lives dictated and doled out to them, suddenly free but with no economic foundation. No direction, no guidance or help. I'm always amazed whenever I think of that. How, as a people, they survived truly amazes me. One day you have a life, a home (such as they were) and the next, you're on the street so to speak and penniless. It just seems so cruel and ill-thought-out. Especially in light of the government's recent bail outs of the banks and industry. Where was their bail out or severance package? How things have changed in less than 150 years.

But I digress. Maybe I just feel a little tiny bit of what I imagine they felt. I had a life, a home and suddenly it's all gone. I'm all alone with very little financial foundation to start all over from. Yes, I guess it's a pity party day. Sorry but I have to let this out somewhere. I've been journaling as long as I can recall. It's cheap therapy and a vent for anxiety and frustration which if kept bottled up inside can harm one's health and well-being. Thanks for understanding. Hope you have a lovely weekend.

P.S. Just found this article on journaling for healing.