The "Gift" Post

As I said in many previous entries, I try very hard to be positive, not to whine and moan on this blog. Everyone has their own problems and don't need to be dragged down by someone's blog. Most people frequent blogs to forget their own difficulties and trials.

But sometimes one just can't don that suit of armor. Moments when we're weak and fall. So, I'll ask for your forgiveness now and advise you to just skip the rest of today's post. You'll be better off. It's just something I have to do for me. Kind of like sending a little white dove with a ribbon-tied note on its leg, up into flight and to the heavens, hoping someone "up there" is listening and will send peace to my soul.

It appears I'm still rattled from the blood draw. I'd call myself a "big old baby" in disgust, but then I recall that I need to give myself grace in dealing with whatever it is that's bothering me. This holiday the loneliness is magnified for some reason. Previous holidays brought tears, but so far nothing, just deep  sadness.

I've spent the holidays alone for five years and made it through more or less fine. This is number six. So why is this different? I tried to muscle through it, just for me, but I'm faltering. Maybe, because the divorce settlement, such as it was, closed the final doors on our marriage and the life I knew for so long. There's nothing left to do, to "work" at. This year there's an extra sense of aloneness, of emptiness.

If you've read and endured my post thus far, may I suggest you call or email "friends" and family you haven't contacted in ages, especially if you know they'll be alone. Just say "hi", no promises or commitments. It may be the only thing that holds their sanity together during the holidays...knowing that someone thought of them and cared enough to tell them. In this busy world, so much flies right by, our lives simply become a bunch of sound-bites...there's overwhelming isolation...be the one to make a difference.

The gift of grace and with it, magic...so easy to give. It requires so little effort and the payoff is immense even if you'll never know it. Thank you to anyone who's read down to this point, your time and the gift it bestows on me is priceless. May this holiday season bring you joys untold, give you fond memories you won't forget and a deep peace in your heart.